I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
