U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
