you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
