Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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