I hate your face
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
