The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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