so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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