I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
