I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize