Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
