I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
