ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
