i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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