Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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