I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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