Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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