Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
