I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
did i just pee glitter
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