Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
