Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
