Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
