I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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