i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
