i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
