Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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