i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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