Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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