dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
