First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
