It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
