i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
