not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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