I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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