I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
