So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
