I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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