I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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