She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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