I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
