So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
