wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
