Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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