So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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