she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
