I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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