we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
