Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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