Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
