we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this just has baby written all over it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
