why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
