Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
