I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.