guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
