Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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