Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
