yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
