apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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