Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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