After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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