Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
