I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
