Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
