i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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