Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
