Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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