dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude i'm inner monologue high
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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