i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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