Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
