I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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